Haven Notes vol. 10
Pinballs and Perseverance, Please
Welcome to Haven Notes! This is a weekly recap of things over the past week that have moved my heart with joy, trial, or blessing and have led me to find havens of rest with the Lord. I never know exactly what will come up here, but I do know the Lord is faithful through it all. So grab a cup of coffee and let’s get to it!
MY BRAIN IS A PINBALL MACHINE
Hellllloooooo my friends. And happy Friday. How are we doing? Good? Great? Not so great? No wrong answers here. I’ve been all things this week, and my brain, body, heart and soul have been all over the place. Like a holy pinball machine, I am the little pinball falling down the chute only to be catapulted up to the top, score some points and fall back down the chute again. Rinse and repeat.
I was praying this morning about the destabilizing effect of this all on my heart, and I sense that the Lord is leading me a bit deeper into recognizing patterns in my life. A few friends and I noted this week that “Lent is very Lent-y” this year as we are all navigating various trials: emotional, professional, personal… you name it. It’s as if the peeling back and intentional focus on the Lord through our attempts at “PFA” (prayer, fasting, almsgiving) have acted as a sort of weed puller. The soil that was covering some of the sin and yuckiness has been disrupted, moved aside, and there are some weeds near the roots of our heart that need to be pulled up and thrown away. Oh, except that we quite preferred the dark, warm soil that covering the weeds. It made it much easier to forget about them with blissful ignorance.
This week, I began to fall for the lie that I was ‘failing’ at my Lenten attempts to draw near to God and away from own self-indulgent ways. Might I add: the devil absolutely loathes these attempts, my friends, and loves to pick at seeds of doubt that creep up.
Think about it: God’s beloved daughters working actively to deny ourselves and grow closer to him? That thought disgusts and frustrates the enemy. So he does the only thing he can do: lie and twist and poke and prod. Irritate. Distract. Manipulate.
“You are so weak, and unworthy, and incapable of doing hard things. You try to do more for God but you fail. Not worth it. Go back to the creature comforts that you crave… it’s easier and simpler.”
Does that voice sound familiar to you?
And do you know what to do about this stupid, uncreative and annoying voice?
Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord! - Psalm 27:14
Wait for the Lord. Focus on Him, not the annoying voice. Take to Him all that is making you feel like a crazy pinball, and sit with Him. Wait on His strength to give you courage. Wait on His love to cover you with peace. We are so used to a frenzied pace of life that it is tempting to feel or experience the frustration or desolation and want to act immediately: I’m done. This isn’t working. I’m giving up.
WAIT, WHAT??
This word, wait, can seem frustrating in itself. We don’t like to wait for anything!! But it is a powerful action to take, particularly when we are waiting on the strength of God. We spend so much time focusing on our own power to do and not to do certain things: we love to think that we can do it ourselves. But we can’t. And I think that is the point of Lent for me this year. When I try to perform these little fasts and acts of service and prayer and through my own weaknesses I fail and it gets messy, there is a choice to be made. I can wait on the Lord, by laying my heart before Him and praising Him for every little good and bad thing, or I can self-condemn and listen to the irritating voice that tells me to give up.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not giving up. I’m not giving in to believing that I’m not good enough or capable or strong enough to keep persevering in the spiritual life. I am a work in progress… God is not finished with me yet. And isn’t that precisely the point. My friend, let Him keep working on you, too, loving all the broken places and drawing out all that prevents you from freedom to love like He does.
And while you do, remember that you are most certainly not alone. I’m over here wishing someone would show up with a cappuccino and a Dr. Pepper and a piece of chocolate cake. But instead, I’m offering it all up for you, my sweet friends. And I realize that that is truly the sweetest treat of all.
Praying for you all,
Alli
THINGS I’M LOVING
Community Connections
This week I was delighted to speak to and pray the rosary with a local mom’s group with my dear friend Molly about the Book of Ruth and the virtues contained within in. It was a haven of grace and joy for my heart!
Secret Book Drops
I got this idea from Donna Ashworth and I just love it. You know how I adore giveaways so I’ve been having fun dropping copies of my book and bracelet with a note around town. It’s like Christmas in March!
WEEKEND PRAYER PROMPT
This week I’m posting an excerpt from a lesson titled Providence in Action from Love and Loyalty. I think it ties nicely with my Lenten ramblings from today. It is my prayer that it will allow the Lord’s holy and beautiful love to shine through in your prayer life this weekend!
Read Ruth 2:17-20.
A. What did Ruth do after she finished working that evening?
B. What was Naomi’s response when Ruth came home and told her what she had been up to?
Naomi, a wise mother-in-law, acknowledges that Ruth has been seen and cared for well. She knows that Ruth has experienced providence. She has found work, and is providing sustenance for both of them.
Reflecting on Ruth’s story to this point, I am reminded of a very powerful prayer written by St. Teresa of Avila. In this prayer, we feel the power of the awesomeness of God despite any and all earthly troubles. Ruth’s choice to do what she felt was the right and honorable thing was brave. She knowingly accepted that her decision was accompanied by uncertainty. Ruth stayed faithful, and she encountered God’s providential hand working in her life as she stepped out with confident trust.
As you read St. Teresa’s prayer, give any fear and uncertainty in your heart to God and let the wisdom of these words wash over you.
Let nothing disturb you
Let nothing frighten you
All things are passing away
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things.
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.