Haven Notes vol. 8
Sin, Sorrow, Surrender
Today’s notes are short and sweet.
My week was blessed. The end.
Okay, I guess I do I have a little more to say than that, but not much. I spent last weekend in a state of threatening tears that would spill over into actual tears that were wiped way only to be triggered hours later by more tears. Why was I crying? I don’t know. Honestly. It was like my heart knew that Lent was coming, and that I really wanted to be serious about it, and focus on truly rending my heart. That phrase came coming up — rend your heart, Alli. Rip it open. Let the crap pour own. Let Him in. Let Him fill the space like only He can — with His immense goodness. And somehow this notion made me cry.
A good friend encouraged me to take it to prayer and ask God what He was doing, so I did. And I realized as I pictured little 6 year old me crawling into His lap and resting with Him that I was crying because I was scared. I was scared that I would rip my heart open and let all the junk out — the stuff that keeps me numb and placated and not thinking about my sin or suffering or sorrow — and there wouldn’t be anything to take its place. Just vast emptiness and my broken heart.
So I sat with Jesus and He reassured me — no, my daughter, you are rending your heart so that I can fill it with so much goodness. Not the paper shreds that you stuff in there to mask your emotions, troubles and worries, only to notice that there are still gaps and empty spaces and the shreds just don’t cut it. It’s me — the good stuff. The pillowy, soft, warm goodness that will fill every space and leave you radiant and full of light and hope and joy. It’s me — you can trust me.
And so I did. I rended my broken little heart right open on Ash Wednesday and it was a bit of a tough day, not gonna lie. It was messy and chaotic and uncomfortable and dare I say, it just kinda sucked.
But then, after the mess, I slowly started to feel a bit more clarity. Lightness. Intention. And it hit me: there is the goodness of God. Flowing right in in a way that only He can.
He is so, so good.
Let’s rend our hearts, my friends, and let Him flow right in.
xoxo,
Alli
PS — Something fun is coming Monday! I’m having a Coffee Chat here on Substack at 11am EST — the topic is HOPE, which is a pillar of Finding Havens. (and whatever else the Holy Spirit brings, of course!) I hope you’ll join me!
good work :-)