On Nearness

One Week Until My Book Launch...

Nervous. Excited. Grateful. Nauseous. All of these words describe my general state of being as we get close the launch date of my new book (January 23!). The work has been put it. I have loved and labored and prayed and studied for almost two years. I have printed, read, reviewed with dear friends, changed many pieces and parts, and spent many hours reading and examining the content, flow, and structure. It has been edited, proofread, and designed into something that I am so very proud of.

Anyone who has written a book, or even an article or post, knows that this process is hard but oh so very good. It is holy and purifying when we allow God to work through us to accomplish a good thing. And I do believe He has helped me create a good thing. But can I be honest?

I’m terrified to share it with the world.

I worry that it won’t land, won’t resonate, won’t appeal to the very women for whom I poured out my heart to reach, women just like me who are trying to be faithful and trusting and loving but are so often weary and worn out. What if no one likes it? a voice taunts me. You are wasting your time on this, what were you thinking?? … You are no one, you have no real platform, no big publishing house or established apostolate or popular podcast to promote this.

When I write these words down and read them back, they come across loud and clear as what they are: unhelpful, distorted and weak attempts at the enemy to derail me. Perhaps you, too, recognize this voice? I find that it crops up annoyingly often at the most tender and fragile moments in my life and heart. But the more time I’ve spent getting to know my Father, the more I recognize an interesting pattern: the voice of the enemy perks up and pokes through very often when I am cooperating with God and doing my best to shine His light. And when I hold up those lies to the truth of who I am and Whose I am, suddenly it all becomes clear. All of my fears and doubts about why I wrote and how I wrote and what will become of this little work of my heart disappear when I hear the Voice of reason, the Voice of hope and goodness and truth, resound back in my heart:

I like it, my daughter. You spent time with Me, precious time in my Word and in prayer that will never be wasted, even if no one buys it or likes it or reads it. Your family saw you pour your precious extra time into something that points to Me, and they are changed for the better by that. And so are you.

And there, in the steadiness of God’s truth, the see saw of my shaky confidence comes to a gentle rest: with Him. I do not need to fear anything, ever… certainly not a book that I have surrendered to God and written because of Him. No, ma’am, there is no gray area there.

All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him not even one thing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the Light of mankind. John 1:3, NAB (emphasis mine)

Life and light, indeed. And so as I navigate the absolute privilege of releasing my first book, I hold the Light close and give gratitude and praise for this one crazy, amazing, wild ride of a life. Doubts and fears and all, I know one thing for sure. All will be well, and I will resolve to enjoy every minute of the journey because it always leads me back to Him — the only Author any of us ever really needs.

Can I get an Amen? 🙌🏼