Thoughts On A Book Launch

Blessings, Crosses, and the Joy of Meeting the Moment

Speechless, overwhelmed, grateful, joyful, blessed. Those are the top words that come to mind as I reflected on the events of the past 24 hours. Nearly 50 of my friends and family gathered to celebrate the launch of Love and Loyalty, and it was the most beautiful event of my life behind my wedding and the births of my children. But before we get to last night, let’s talk about last week.

It is hard to describe what it feels like to hold a book in your hands that you’ve spent countless hours writing, reading, editing, questioning, praying and thinking about. Something about seeing the words in print, in the font you picked with the cover you so carefully selected… it’s simply wonderful. So, when I opened that box of books earlier this week, my heart shifted and this book forever became part of a core memory. It was the tangible, physical presence of my journey, a journey that was woven together by the love of Christ, His faithfulness sitting with me in all the writing, reading and studying, and the gifted people He put in my life to help it all come to fruition.

There are SO MANY people who participate, either directly or indirectly, in the creation of a book. My husband and kids, who cheerlead, supported and loved me through it all. My friends — so many friends— who listened, supported, prayed, reviewed, edited and shared their own unique talents to help me understand not only the heart of the book but the many layers of editing, marketing, branding and designing that are necessary to cross the finish line. My professional colleagues at PraiseWriters, especially Claire and Mike, who provided guidance, support and technical skills were instrumental in the process and made me feel part of a writing community that was all in on supporting this project.

Many people have given me big hugs and words of affirmation and have commented on what a big deal this is. And it truly does feel like a big deal. A big work of my heart poured out in cooperation with God in hopes that many, many women will read and be inspired to go deeper with God. But also, I did not do this alone. And I questioned so much of what I was doing. And the lesson I am seeing now is that like so many things in life, the blessings and the heartaches are interwoven, like a sweet cross that both broke my heart open and filled it with grace and strength.

The story that not many know, save my dear husband a few close friends, is that I experienced some deep desolation when I had multiple rejections by known Catholic publishers. They all said basically the same thing: no thanks, and good luck. And man, did that sting. I really believed I had written something good and true and beautiful and in my naiveté, I believed that it would lead to a book deal. What I learned is that most of the time, authors need an existing platform, a presence in the social media space for publishers to be interested. They want you to have your own audience, your own established ‘following,’ because most of the marketing falls on you, the author. And obviously, they want to sell books, so this is the model by which they operate.

And I had literally zero presence, save a few followers on my new Instagram account. “But I have TONS of people in my ‘tribe’ who love and support me!” I cried to no one in particular. “I just need a chance!” I pouted as I read the rejection emails. And do you know what turned my little boat of self-pity right around? Some words of wisdom from my husband. I called him one day crying, after having tried really hard to convince myself that it was all for the best, and broke down. I told him all the ugly: I feel like a failure, I’m so sad, etc, etc. And just then, when I was finally honest with myself and spoke my heartbreak aloud, he said the words that I needed to hear:

Alli, if no one in the world ever reads or buys this book, it will still be a great success. Because your children have watched you do it, they have watched you point to your faith and go hard after this goal, and your witness to them is all that really matters.

Yes, I know, he’s a keeper. And he was right. It doesn’t matter what the world thinks. I knew that firstly, God was so proud of me. He had told me as much over and over in prayer as I wrestled and wrote: I was His beloved daughter, and He delighted in watching me pour out these words that honored and praised Him and helped me grow closer to Him. And secondly, my family loves me and it is my deepest desire as a mother to witness His love to my children. And if the book remained “only” a manuscript or a pdf file on my computer, that mission would be accomplished.

After more praying and pondering, I decided that I wanted to publish, and that I would do so independently. Self-publishing has come a long way with the advent of Amazon and the like, and I got over my need for approval and the stamp of a big publisher and dug into making it happen. These last few months of doing that just brought another realization:

This is how it was always meant to be.

The plan wasn’t for me to partner with a big publisher. Because as I owned the project and found amazing people to help bring my vision to life, I understood that I wanted and desired to have full control over this project. I wanted to choose the branding, weigh in on the color scheme, font, photography, and layout. I wanted to curate the content I was putting out to begin to promote the book. Ask anyone who has signed a book contract and they will tell you that this is not the typical process…. understandably, a publisher who has their name on your book is going to have a lot of control in these areas. It’s a give and take partnership, and usually a win-win for both parties.

But for me, going independently felt perfect this time. God be praised. I’m not saying I’d ever turn down an opportunity to work with a publisher (I’m here if you are interested!) but I am saying that this was the perfect path for this book, and I’m so grateful now for the sting of rejection. It made way for a beautiful and blessed path that I hadn’t been able to see.

And that leads us to last night and those 50 amazing people who came out in frigid sub-zero-with-windchill temps to support this little book!! The evening was magical, because in this world where so many in-person interactions have gone online and off our radar, I got to hug and speak with and raise a glass with these cherished women, (and a few men — shout out to my husband and boys! You are awesome!) many whom I have known for decades and just don’t see often enough. What a gift from the Lord.

As we mingled and talked and got caught up, the Holy Spirit did what He does best — bring the love. Love is what I felt, and love is why I wrote this book. We are embodied creatures, us humans. We have body and spirit. We need each other, we need personal connection, and we need to celebrate life and love and loyalty! (See what I did there?)

I will have much more to say about this topic of in-person connection. It is a big reason I wrote the book, and a big part of the Finding Havens mission. I’ll leave it there for now, but if you, too, are seeking intentional spaces to experience love and friendship and Christ-centered connection, you are in the right place. And I’m so grateful to have you here!!

Oh, and if you are looking for a great bible study that will nourish your heart and leave you feeling inspired by God’s great love for you, I wrote one!! Love and Loyalty: Heart Lessons from the Book of Ruth is out on Amazon!

In Love and Loyalty,

Alli